We all need reminders

When I was a boy, I pinned a photo to the bulletin board hanging on my bedroom wall—a 4×6 color snapshot of the local university mascot, (weirdly) signed and gifted to my parents to pass on to me. I was a fan of the school’s football and basketball teams, so in the mind of a kid…

Go on: Light a candle for Klitschko

One of history’s all-time great heavyweight champions retired today. But don’t hold your breath for the hero’s sendoff. More like, Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. So it went for Wladimir Klitschko, who announced Thursday that, after 20-plus years of professional prizefighting, he is moving on. For the…

Here’s why cancer should wear a cup

I have a friend—insomuch as a 70-year-old man might consider me a “friend.” We’ll call my friend Greg. A few years back, when Greg was a spry, mid-60s shithead—and I say that with the utmost reverence—we’d do battle in Wednesday morning 1-on-1 hoops at the YMCA. That’s no hyperbole or purple prose. Greg would, very simply, beat the snot out of me. Despite my being three…

A Time to Chill

The neon septuagenerian toddler who holds in his minuscule hands all of our lives and livelihoods—the gold-plated con man Donald J. Trump—today stood in front of cameras to gurgle and fester yet again. My faith in humanity, already tentative, is bent to its breaking point whenever the Great Dullard takes to a podium to publicly spew his frat-boy invective and inanities while we fail…